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It ended up creating a lot more hurt feelings and drama than the positive experience we were seeking for our marriage.
This is when we realized that communication is absolutely essential in this kind of relationship.
Going into our second year in what I like to call a “flexible marriage,” we sat down and created a document together that lists the rules we abide by, which we each keep on our desktop computers.
Rule number one is "our marriage comes first." Other rules include one that states we can only “play with people who get tested for STDs,” mandatory condom use, and that we won’t get pulled into anyone else’s personal drama.
And we equally had a fear of meeting the other person's play partner.
So I proposed we have a "get out of jail free" card: for a whole year, we would do what we want, when we wanted, and then reevaluate how it made us feel at the end of the year.
Armed with a little liquid courage, I flat-out asked Nicholas, "have you ever wanted to pursue anything like an open relationship?
" To my surprise—after he felt confident that it wasn’t a trick question—he confessed he was more than open to the idea.
As luck would have it, we were both cast—but sparks didn’t fly immediately.
Nicholas and I were both so excited to start exploring sexual experiences outside our marriage, yet neither of us was sure how to go about it.
I wasn’t confident that I could handle knowing things—like what he was doing, and with whom, when he left our home. We were also unsure whether we wanted to “play,” or engage in sexual experiences with other people, together or as separate individuals.
Spontaneity is one of the aspects of this lifestyle that makes it so fun and enjoyable.
We talked about that experience for weeks, and we frequently referred to it for our own excitement in the bedroom.
Creating a guide has made things much smoother, and we still abide by it while tweaking things now and then.