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Europeans know that the two are by nature polar opposites.Romantic love thrives on differences: She speaks Japanese; he only speaks Amurrican. Romantic love takes two unlikely people and brings them together despite the odds; married love takes two likely people and keeps them together against the odds.Like dogs, we tend to piss on things to mark our territory.A relationship like the one I describe can only be shared by two supremely secure superspacetravelers.We get up in the morning refreshed as if we had slept—because the sharing we have experienced has in fact been more refreshing than sleep.There is little doubt that this chemistry is impervious to the pollution of outside elements. But I am sure that it is precious and irreplaceable.Romantic love is by its nature delusional, brief, a madness; married love is pragmatic, enduring, sane.We Americans hope that one will grow into the other.
And now I, too, am beginning to wonder whether the European way isn't more pragmatic, more intelligent, finally more durable.Being thoroughly American (despite all the time I spend in Europe), my life has been a tribute to the American way of serial monogamy: passionate exclusive attachments, most of which have lasted about seven years.